Marriage is Work & Other Wedding Faux Pas

It’s been just over a month since my wedding day.  I’m still in the process of changing my name (what a royal pain), getting thank-you notes out, and  figuring out how to hang framed pictures in my house without making it look like a shrine to me and Matt.  It’s crazy how quickly time speeds by.  Months spent planning gone in a blink and soon I’ll be celebrating my 1st anniversary and then my 50th.

I thought of spending this post in yet another moment of awe at just how amazing my wedding was, you know, pics and gushings and hopes of expectant brides just wishing they could get it that right.  Who knows, maybe I’ll still do that later.  But I need to come up for air and toss the proverbial bouquet.  What better way to send this precious moment off than by helping all mankind; a PSA of sorts to pave a brighter future for all those brides to be.

RSVP?  What’s that?

Color me shocked and amazed that I travel in a circle of folks who don’t do well with deadlines.  I get it, the cut-off date slipped your mind.    I can certainly understand that you may not have a stamp or want to fill in my address, so I did that for you.  Or maybe making that little check mark next to yes or no was just, well, too much.  So I am forced to hunt you down and demand an answer.  It’s starting to feel like maybe you don’t give a shit and my ego is awfully bruised.

Confession time, I’ve been this person.  Once.  And guess what, never again.  I now fully understand that RSVP isn’t a request, it’s a demand.  Don’t let the fancy French please fool you, those cards hold the entire balance of the wedding on their paper sharp edges.  Try dealing with vendors and setting a final budget when you don’t know if 50 or 250 people are showing up.

Your Yes = $.

You know how you said “OMG, can’t wait.  Super excited my plus one and I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”?  Well that and the yes you checked caused me to put you in the attending column complete with your drinks and food and location overage costs and cake and….expectations of seeing your smiling faces.  I get that emergencies happen.  Sickness, car issues, and apparently  work issues plagued the universe that fateful weekend of the 14th.  But what of the folks who just didn’t bother to show or text or send a carrier pigeon offering apology for their no show?  That I don’t get.

Lesson- If you say yes, show up.  Or send some offering to excuse your absence.  Beer never hurts.  Neither does a hand written letter.  If you can’t come, say no.  It’s totally cool.  But you should still send beer.

Marriage is Work.

So the first two are just some shocking revelations that, had I really thought ahead about the nature of people, really aren’t so surprising.  I rant; I feel better; I pay the credit card off;  I move on.  This last one completely blind sided me.

“Phew! Let me just say, it’s a lot of hard work and a great deal of compromise!”

“I am SO happy you couldn’t be happier.  I felt so happy the first morning I woke up after being married to [name withheld]….things change.  LOL  Just kidding, but not really…”

“Marriage is hard.  Like really, really hard.  Sometimes you’ll wonder what the hell you were thinking.”

“Good luck.  You’ll need it.”

These are things people actually said to me either in their congratulatory messages or upon hearing I got married.  For real.  I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard, “marriage is work”.

First, how is this a message you think a newly wed wants to hear?  Unless you’re that married couple of 50 years from whom I’m soliciting a nugget of advice, a congrats, so happy for you, will suffice.  I mean, imagine this in any other circumstance:

New baby:  “Oh, he’s so cute.  Too bad you’ll end up hating him for large stretches of time.  Enjoy the next 18 years.  Congrats.”  or “Get ready for shitty diapers, puke, and constant crying.  Babies pretty much suck.  So happy for you.”

Birthday:  “You’re one step closer to the grave.  Seriously, you look like crap.  When did you get so many wrinkles.  Oh well, it only gets worse.  Enjoy your special day.”

New Home:  “Lovely place.  Hopefully you don’t lose your job and go into foreclosure.  Can I get a tour?”

New Job:  “Good luck.  You know most people don’t stick around a company for more than a few years and tons probably get fired in their first 90 days.  Fingers crossed that doesn’t happen to you.”

Also, no shit Sherlock.  Life is work.  Actually, I think it is more accurate to say marriage, life, a career or anything worth having takes EFFORT.  It’s a big distinction.  Work implies forced behavior; something you do begrudgingly.  Something you really shouldn’t have to do, but, well I guess since the universe decided you should be born not into royalty but a mere commoner, you’ll just have to deal with.  Pick the right career, hobby, partner–something/someone who truly matters in your life for more than a fleeting moment–and suddenly you may actually want to make an effort.  And that effort makes all the difference.  More effort may yield you less work.  Just a thought…

OK- dear readers, my lunch is finished and my rant is through.  Hopefully you’ve all learned something today.  Because knowledge really is power.  Feel free to share this PSA with those in your circle who are less endowed in the manners’ department.  You may just save someone some grief…or at least keep a friend from being the subject of blogging fodder from a small time writer wanna be.

Cheers!

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Listening to:

We Were Promised Jetpacks – Unravelling

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A Very Crafty Wedding: The One Where I Thank Friends & Family

No need to double check your computer screen, yes, it is indeed I.  With a blog post.  On my actual blog.  I tell ya, the second half of 2014 is really shaping up to be a doozy.  Between starting my own business and getting married, I must admit that, as the kids say, the struggle is real!  My days disappear and it seems like there is never enough time to get to the bottom of my to-do list; mostly because shit just keeps piling on every time I blink.  So things like writing, reading, and essentially anything else relegated to the dreaded “hobby” category has struggled.

And here I find myself on the cusp on October.  The wedding was over two weeks ago and it feels like just yesterday.  I knew I wanted to write this post months ago when I started planning.  I knew I’d  need something to actually close the door behind the wedding.  And while I still have some thank-you cards to mail out, it is time that I actually admit, I’m no longer a bride, I’m a wife.  Being a wife is pretty rad (especially with an incredible hubby), but I have to admit that I’m going to miss looking forward to my “special day”.  I’m going to miss planning and chatting and dreaming.  I’m going to miss conversations with my mom and friends that are literally all wedding, all the time.  Count yourselves lucky dear readers that I haven’t had time to write.  Because this blog would have looked like Pinterest purged itself all up in here!  I’m going to miss spending ridiculous sums of money.  Wait, that last one is a lie, and besides, I can’t miss it when I’ll still be paying for those four blissful hours over the next several months.

So good-bye wedding!  You were awesome.  I bid you adieu with part one of my wedding highlight countdown.  And I start with the biggest highlight of all besides the wonderful man I married:  my friends and family.

My friends and family seriously rock.

So you’re convinced you have good friends huh?  And you’d swear your folks were the bomb?  Well they’ve got nothing on mine.  Check it:

Kasi (aka bestie #1, the bossy one, knows her role):  She flew in from NOLA and just said, “I got this.”  Need someone to make sure you don’t pass out cause you forgot to eat?  Again?  Yeah, done.  I was tranported back to being a kid as she coaxed, “just a few more bites.”  Need someone to kick the party out so you can get some sleep?  She’ll be sweeping folks out with a broom.  She knew her role was to mitigate my stress.  No telling how many issues popped up that I still don’t even know about.

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Bee (aka bestie #2, gay #1, power cleaner and other roles):  Oh, you like my bouquet?  Yeah, this dude made it with his bare hands and his creative-ass mind.  Boutonnieres?  Them too.  One hour before people arrived at my house for rehearsal dinner he was Dysoning the house like a mad man.  Before he mopped.  Did the house need it?  No, but he knows his best friend is a nut case when it comes to her house.

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Jim (aka bestie #3, gay #2, brunch coordinator jones, florist):  Spend $2000+ on a florist?  Why?  I spent $200 and my flowers looked like a divine hand crafted each arrangement.  Because it did.  Jim’s hand.  He’s also responsible for making sure I had a good cry the night before to “get it all out”.  Asshole.  His GoPro skills still need some work, but his hosting skills are top notch.

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Bradley (aka Bee’s boyfriend, gay #3, moving up the ranks to bestie status, fan scrubber, grocery getter):  Bradley just got shit done.  I didn’t even ask, things just happened.  Lots of things.  I can’t even list them because they were just happening, all the time, all weekend.  If he were trying to butter me up to ask for Bee’s hand in marriage, it worked.  Pretty sure that’s like a thing, asking the best fruit fly’s permission, right?

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Nelson (aka my new brother, the Matt chiller-outer, the Gator cusser):  I didn’t have to worry about keeping up with Matt all weekend (not that I would), because Nelson was right by his side.  He helped him cuss the Gators.  He helped him drink lots of beer.  He made sure of the some other stuff too.  I think.  Oh, he brought Growlers of some great beer from AL.  Easiest way into my heart.

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My brother Dustin & my sister-in-law Brooke (aka partners in beer, packers of baskets):  Brooke made sure I toasted the morning of in style with some mimosas.  Dustin lifted heavy stuff with his big man arms.  And they both made sure Matt and I left with at least a bit of wedding food.  It’s true, you really don’t have time to eat at your own wedding!

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My cousins Molly & Brien and their daughter Savannah (aka the diva wagon, travel agents, charm wranglers):  These guys made sure I had the cutest flower girl in the history of weddings.  Check history.  It’s true.  Brien hooked up a sweet hotel.  And they carted my great aunt and uncle to ATL to join the weekend long party.  Awesome.

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My friend Kristie and her son Grady (aka dragon slayer):  One, let it be noted that Kristie was on time for 3 events on 3 consecutive days.  That’s a life record.  Thanks lady.  She also ensured that Grady made sure he was extra adorable and defended me against any and all dragons lurking around the wedding.

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My officiant Jonathan (aka my work bud, Napolean Dynomite with a law degree):  I wanted someone close to my growth over the last few years to do the honors.  J-Hill stepped up, got ordained, and made it all legal.  Bonus points for reading my ceremony as written, Huey Lewis lyrics and all.

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Full Service (aka the jams, supplier of sick beats, my #1 choice for my wedding day tunes):  I can’t say enough to express how very excited I was to have these guys play.  I’ll have a bit more to say about their awesomeness in part two of my countdown.

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Kim (aka magic hair godess, black eye-liner rocker, braider extraordinaire):  I asked for Game of Thrones hair and she delivered.  My hair looked EXACTLY like I imagined it.

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Danielle (aka the Sparkle and the Glam):  She somehow got a girl who doesn’t wear a lot of makeup to wear a lot of makeup without looking like a drag queen.  In my mind, that’s magic.

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Last, but certainly not least, our parents:  Mom, Dad, Susan, and Dennis you all made our day everything we dreamed it would be.  Your love, support and encouragement was the perfect fit!  And Mom, your crochet skills are on point!

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Family and friends traveling from far and wide:  you’re the best!  You took tons of pictures (Aunt Debi).  You provided moonshine and encouraged shots, shots, shots (Uncle Ray, James and Amelia).  You made the trip solo (Crystal, Ben, and Roger)! You provided sisterly bonds and smiles (Karen, Elizabeth, and Cay).  You showed up nearly two hours early by accident (Lisa, Tony, Brad, and Nate)!  You rocked out a softball cheer (Elle Wood, MJ, Paul, Claire, Shikha, Roger, Dustin, Dustin, Tony).  You hopped on a flight from St. Louis with your lovely wives (Brad and Andrew).  You surprised me with a shower and a kegerator (my work family).  And to everyone I didn’t mention by name,  you all are awesome, every single one.

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More wedding madness soon!  Come back and join me in saying goodbye!

Stay positive & love your life.

-Melissa

Today:

Listening to:  Foo Fighters – Best Of You

Eating:  Quesadillas

Random thought:  How do I shave 7+ miles off my work commute and it still takes just as long?  ATL is a traffic black hole.

Five for Friday: Top 5 Movie Kisses

Pssst, lean in a bit closer.  I have something to tell you.  That’s it, right there.  Muahhhh!  Yes, I’m feeling a bit romantic folks.  In case you’re one of the last people on the planet who I haven’t told 20 times, I’m getting married in 25 days!  In honor of this quite historical occasion, my blog posts have started taking a turn towards the romantic.  So expect a bit of the lovey dovey, the mushy, and the near vomit inducing for the next month.

Today I’m bringing back my fave ongoing blog post series, Five for Friday.  I won’t be posting a linking tool, but feel free to join in and then link back to me on your post.  Or just leave your five in the comments section.  Today I give you my five favorite kisses on the big screen.  So pucker up people, here we go!

 

#5:  Sixteen Candles  (1984)

Samantha and Jake.  Finally.  Though I like her better with Ducky. Wait, wrong movie.

 

#4:  The Goonies (1985)

“Does Brad have braces?  Why are you laughing?”

“Next time keep your eyes open.  It’s a whole different experience.”

 

#3:   Last of the Mohicans (1992)

This is my Notebook (though I do love a good Notebook cry sesh).  I remember watching this and thinking, “one day someone will kiss me like that”.  And this soundtrack.  My.  Goodness.  What a perfect backdrop for a perfect kiss.  It’s in my top five movie soundtracks of all time.

 

#2:  Back to the Future (1985)

Romantic and pretty darn important.  Strum that guitar Calvin Klein.

 

#1:  The Princess Bride  (1987)  x2

First there is Westley and Buttercup reunited.  Magic.

And then:

“Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.”

Maybe I should just say “As you wish” instead of “I do”.

 

 

Honorable Mentions:

My Girl (1991)

So stinking cute, but man is this movie sad.

Legends of the Fall  (1994)

Tristan may be my favorite Brad Pitt.  But this scene goes from amazing kiss to NSFW pretty quickly.

 

What are your favorite on screen kisses?

 

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Stay positive & love your life!

-Melissa

 

Today:

Listening to:  Devan DuBois – I Won’t Let You Down

Eating:  Eggplant parm

Drinking:  Blue Monster

Random thought:  Guy in the break room:  If I can hear you slurping your noodles from across the room, you really need to work on your manners.  Ugh, mouth noises.  Also, man in the QT this morning:   If you smell like BO at 8 am, the day’s only going to get progressively stinkier.  I sure hope your workmates don’t have my nose!  PSA- Chew with your mouth closed.  Wash yourself and your clothes.  The world thanks you.

 

Five for Friday: 5 Observations From My First Week Post Engagement

This past week has been a whirlwind of lessons.  You see, I’m really not “that girl”, you know the one who has her entire wedding planned out.  The one who has an entire scrapbook of fabrics and photos and ribbons that she’s been carrying around her entire life.  The one who I would probably have a very hard time being friends with (see here).  So this whole “what do I want in a wedding” thing has completely caught me offguard.  I have a feeling there are many, many lessons to be learned over the next several months, but here are 5 observations made in the last 5 days alone.

5:  I hate the word fiance’. 

Ugh, I just don’t like the sound of it.  I don’t like the way people say it.  I don’t like its similarity to the word finance.  Finance, as in what people do to pay for absurdly expensive weddings.  It just stinks of pretentiousness and I reserve my pretentiousness to music snobbery.

4:  Wedding cakes are hideous.

What the hell is up with all the ribbons and flowers exploding out everywhere?  Why are they massive?  I must have scrolled through at least 300 cakes on Pinterest and found three that I could potentially work with to craft a normal dessert item with which to celebrate my nuptials.  Speaking of Pinterest…..

wed6

What in the name of all things holy is this?!

3:  Pinterest!

Oh Pinterst you may just be the greatest thing ever invented.  How do wedding planners still have jobs?

2:  People spend wayyyyyy too much on weddings.

Obviously this is just my opinion, so if blowing $25K+ for a few hours of fun is what floats your boat, more power to ya.  I just can’t fathom it.  $25K would pay for a lot of things.  Let’s see, off the top of my head:  my student loans, a new car, a nice chunk of my mortgage, a killer vacation or 12, a nice infusion into my retirement fund…..

wedding-tree-decorations

I can’t….

1:  I kinda am one of “those girls”.

Maybe it’s not on some insane bridezilla level, but I have to be honest, I’m loving everything about this!  I love picking colors and thinking about flowers.  I love imagining my friends and family gathered in celebration.  And more than anything, I love that I get to spend the rest of my life with my very best friend.  Let me stop typing before I completely girl out and start crying.  Someone pass me a tissue please.

Stay positive and love your life!

-Melissa

Today:

Listening to:  311 – Still Dreaming