Marriage is Work & Other Wedding Faux Pas

It’s been just over a month since my wedding day.  I’m still in the process of changing my name (what a royal pain), getting thank-you notes out, and  figuring out how to hang framed pictures in my house without making it look like a shrine to me and Matt.  It’s crazy how quickly time speeds by.  Months spent planning gone in a blink and soon I’ll be celebrating my 1st anniversary and then my 50th.

I thought of spending this post in yet another moment of awe at just how amazing my wedding was, you know, pics and gushings and hopes of expectant brides just wishing they could get it that right.  Who knows, maybe I’ll still do that later.  But I need to come up for air and toss the proverbial bouquet.  What better way to send this precious moment off than by helping all mankind; a PSA of sorts to pave a brighter future for all those brides to be.

RSVP?  What’s that?

Color me shocked and amazed that I travel in a circle of folks who don’t do well with deadlines.  I get it, the cut-off date slipped your mind.    I can certainly understand that you may not have a stamp or want to fill in my address, so I did that for you.  Or maybe making that little check mark next to yes or no was just, well, too much.  So I am forced to hunt you down and demand an answer.  It’s starting to feel like maybe you don’t give a shit and my ego is awfully bruised.

Confession time, I’ve been this person.  Once.  And guess what, never again.  I now fully understand that RSVP isn’t a request, it’s a demand.  Don’t let the fancy French please fool you, those cards hold the entire balance of the wedding on their paper sharp edges.  Try dealing with vendors and setting a final budget when you don’t know if 50 or 250 people are showing up.

Your Yes = $.

You know how you said “OMG, can’t wait.  Super excited my plus one and I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”?  Well that and the yes you checked caused me to put you in the attending column complete with your drinks and food and location overage costs and cake and….expectations of seeing your smiling faces.  I get that emergencies happen.  Sickness, car issues, and apparently  work issues plagued the universe that fateful weekend of the 14th.  But what of the folks who just didn’t bother to show or text or send a carrier pigeon offering apology for their no show?  That I don’t get.

Lesson- If you say yes, show up.  Or send some offering to excuse your absence.  Beer never hurts.  Neither does a hand written letter.  If you can’t come, say no.  It’s totally cool.  But you should still send beer.

Marriage is Work.

So the first two are just some shocking revelations that, had I really thought ahead about the nature of people, really aren’t so surprising.  I rant; I feel better; I pay the credit card off;  I move on.  This last one completely blind sided me.

“Phew! Let me just say, it’s a lot of hard work and a great deal of compromise!”

“I am SO happy you couldn’t be happier.  I felt so happy the first morning I woke up after being married to [name withheld]….things change.  LOL  Just kidding, but not really…”

“Marriage is hard.  Like really, really hard.  Sometimes you’ll wonder what the hell you were thinking.”

“Good luck.  You’ll need it.”

These are things people actually said to me either in their congratulatory messages or upon hearing I got married.  For real.  I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard, “marriage is work”.

First, how is this a message you think a newly wed wants to hear?  Unless you’re that married couple of 50 years from whom I’m soliciting a nugget of advice, a congrats, so happy for you, will suffice.  I mean, imagine this in any other circumstance:

New baby:  “Oh, he’s so cute.  Too bad you’ll end up hating him for large stretches of time.  Enjoy the next 18 years.  Congrats.”  or “Get ready for shitty diapers, puke, and constant crying.  Babies pretty much suck.  So happy for you.”

Birthday:  “You’re one step closer to the grave.  Seriously, you look like crap.  When did you get so many wrinkles.  Oh well, it only gets worse.  Enjoy your special day.”

New Home:  “Lovely place.  Hopefully you don’t lose your job and go into foreclosure.  Can I get a tour?”

New Job:  “Good luck.  You know most people don’t stick around a company for more than a few years and tons probably get fired in their first 90 days.  Fingers crossed that doesn’t happen to you.”

Also, no shit Sherlock.  Life is work.  Actually, I think it is more accurate to say marriage, life, a career or anything worth having takes EFFORT.  It’s a big distinction.  Work implies forced behavior; something you do begrudgingly.  Something you really shouldn’t have to do, but, well I guess since the universe decided you should be born not into royalty but a mere commoner, you’ll just have to deal with.  Pick the right career, hobby, partner–something/someone who truly matters in your life for more than a fleeting moment–and suddenly you may actually want to make an effort.  And that effort makes all the difference.  More effort may yield you less work.  Just a thought…

OK- dear readers, my lunch is finished and my rant is through.  Hopefully you’ve all learned something today.  Because knowledge really is power.  Feel free to share this PSA with those in your circle who are less endowed in the manners’ department.  You may just save someone some grief…or at least keep a friend from being the subject of blogging fodder from a small time writer wanna be.

Cheers!

View More: http://christenbarnes.pass.us/melissa--matt

Listening to:

We Were Promised Jetpacks – Unravelling

Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday: Maybe I Should Have Picked Brian Krakow

Breakups are the worst, right? This week Jen gave us this directive: “Try and create a 5 song mix based on this week’s theme. This week our theme is I Suck because I broke your heart, or you suck because you broke mine.” It is somewhat hard to put yourself in this head space when you’re in a great relationship and completely content with your life. But I’ll play along…..

I’ve been “blessed” with rather amiable splits for the most part. There was that several week period in high school when I actually did become Angela from “My So Called Life”; without the benefit of ever having dated Jordan Catalano. I moped around, listened to Mazzy Star on repeat, cut off my hair, and like, you know, hurt or whatever.

my-so-called-life-angela-and-jordan

We were totally going to be together forever.

I thought I was fine by the time my first year of college started, but apparently this little HS meltdown poised me to plunge headfirst into the worst relationship imaginable.

jc

Oh, so you thought you were equipped to be a fine judge of character? Think again.

This guy, wow. To describe him as my dating antichrist is an understatement.

But thankfully it only took me a few delightful years to realize this guy might not be such a good pick. Are you picking up the sarcasm here? Yeah, I’m laying it on pretty thick. Stupid 19-year-old self.

I don’t think I still hate this person. I’m comforted by the fact that years can now go by without giving him a moment’s thought……until I’m asked to make a playlist about people who suck at life. I will not dedicate this list to him, but will simply say, when given the choice, pick the nice guy ladies. That’s where you belong. Save yourself some time and misery. But you won’t listen. So have fun getting all of your relationship disasters out of the way. There is light at the end of this dating tunnel.

Maybe I Should Have Picked Brian Krakow

Never Came- Queens of the Stone Age

Notable lyrics: “Why you gotta shove it in my face as if you put me in my place. Cause I DON’T CARE if you or me is wrong or right ain’t gonna spend another night, in your bed…”

Blood on the Ground- Incubus

Notable lyrics: “Seeing you is like pulling teeth and hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil.”

Get Gone- Fiona Apple

Notable lyrics- “I’ll idealize, then realize that it’s no sacrifice, because the price is paid, and there’s nothing left to grieve. Fuckin go- ’cause I’ve done what I could for you, and I do know what’s good for me and I’m not benefiting.”

Losing a Whole Year- Third Eye Blind


Notable lyrics- “If it’s not the defense then you’re on the attack. When you start talking I hear the Prozac.” or “Well this drama is a bore and I don’t wanna play no more.”

Of course I need to include one “I’m feeling very sorry for myself” jam:

Favorite T- The Lemonheads

Notable lyrics- “Had to hear about your Danish boyfriend. I forced a swoon. So I went over to your dresser drawer and now I got it on. I got it on, your favorite T. It never looked as good on you as it looks on me.”

And a bonus song that I just find funny. I love Lily.

Not Big- Lily Allen

I’ll leave the lyrics out because they are all rather filthy. But I did include a video with lyrics included.

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Stay positive & love your life!

-Melissa

Today:

Listening to: Summer Camp – Losing My Mind

Eating: Pasta salad

Drinking: H2O

Random fact: The antichrist mentioned above once told me his Dad had died to get me to talk to him post breakup. Yeah, his Dad was still alive.