Why Is Making Female Friends So Freaking Hard?

So I actually started out with the idea for another post about making friends in my 30s, but I feel like this topic needs to be addressed first.  I don’t have many female friends.  Actually, I keep a fairly small circle of friends in general, but in the past, the majority of my friends have been of the male variety.  Making friends with girls is a fairly hard thing for me.  I kinda suck at it.

Matt says, “If you didn’t grow up together, play sports together, or belong to the same sorority, y’all hate each other.”  Yikes, that sounds awful, but it’s actually pretty accurate.  Women are sometimes hard to be friends with.  Shit, sometimes I can’t stand the woman in me!

**First, let me acknowledge that a lot of my current frustration comes from not having kids yet.  Most of the women my age are in full family mode.  It makes it super hard to relate to one another when your lives are on completely different train tracks.**

Okay, let’s jump into this:

Judge much?!

We can be super judgy…..like insanely judgy.  And we typically like to direct that judgment toward other women.  It’s been said before that women don’t dress for men, they dress for other women.  True.  Because a man (at least one that would be interested in a woman) generally doesn’t care what you’re wearing or not wearing.  Can he see the outline of your butt and boobs?  All set.  We’re coordinating jewelry and shoes for other women to look at and appreciate be jealous of.

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“I mean, could she show a bit more cleavage? And no she didn’t wear those fake-ass diamond earrings again.”

Jealous much?!

We are jealous little creatures.  Think about it and be honest, when you meet a girl for the first time, you give her the up-down.

You size her up.

Damn, is she prettier than me?  Nah, she isn’t.  Ok, good.  Wait, is that a Chloe bag?  Shit, she has money.  Ugh, I hate her.  I love that damn bag.  Oh, wait, maybe it’s a fake.  Nope, real.  She probably got some man to buy it for her.  Ha, how cheap!  No, actually she seems pretty smart.  Maybe she’s successful on her own, like, without a man.  And she’s kinda funny.  Is she a threat?  **RED ALERT** 

jealousy

Threat!  To what, our womanhood, our job, our partner?

I realize how ridiculous this sounds, and this is one of the reasons I tend to steer clear of women generally…..

Crazy much?!

Men have their own inherent problems; we’ll list those another time.  But for now, let’s go ahead and acknowledge that sometimes, women are fucking nuts.  Now, as a woman, I’d like to not blame this on hormones, but for the typically level-headed among us, I have to say, DAMN YOU ESTROGEN!

Sometimes people are just bitches on their own, 24/7, but for the rest of us, nature sneaks up once a month and completely takes the wheel for moments at a time.  Ever been watching a commercial and just started crying?  Well, if you’re a man, you’re thinking,  “Um, no, that’s crazy.”  It is.  If you’re a woman, you’re nodding your head.  Hallmark, old people, every time.

I can barely handle my own inexplicable moments of crazy, so when you add another weepy, bitchy, whiny bit of girl into the mix, it’s all just too much.

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Drama much?!

I pledged a sorority in college.  I was assigned a big sister and started on my path to all things that make up cult sorority life.  We went on crazy prank trips to spray paint the fraternities’ letters.  We puffy painted and sewed our letters on everything.  We talked about boys and how we couldn’t wait to be married (we were 18!).  We did little candle passing ceremonies and such.  This all happened in the span of about three weeks or so.  As I was getting ready to go through the ceremony of becoming an actual sister, I had second thoughts.  I just couldn’t see spending the money that would be involved.  And there was that crazy time committment.  I didn’t see it working out for me as I got deeper into my studies.  I really liked this group of chicks and even though we were doing some REALLY over the top girly things, I was having fun.  It was kinda cool being involved in a clan.

So imagine my surprise when after letting them know I wouldn’t be completing my pledge period, they all stopped talking to me!  I didn’t see that coming at all.  I was still the same person, but now this entire group that had selected me from the sea of others at rush and lavished me with attention for weeks wouldn’t even give much more than a lazy wave when we crossed paths on campus.  It’s enough to turn any girl off of female bonding for a good, long while!

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You’re either one of us or you’re against us.  That’s what these paddles are for, run.

Girly much?!

I would say I’m not your typical girl and I don’t like girly things.  But that’s been said by thousands of other girls.

“I would rather watch a football game and have a beer with the guys than scrap book and get my nails done.”  <—-this is true.

But I really do like some girly things.  I just like them in moderation, and I do tend to like things typically considered to be dude-like or at least dude adjacent.

Beer

Sports

Going to the gym

Sci-Fi, Horror, Fantasy genre stuff

Rock music

There are probably some of you out there screaming, “Get a clue Melissa, those things aren’t only for guys!  I like all those things too.”  Well, you’re right, we really shouldn’t place genders on likes and hobbies, but it is what it is.  I’m sure there are guys that like things like:  shopping, monogramming everything, and sipping wine while dishing and watching the latest Real Housewives of wherever.  It’s just a heck of a lot easier to find a guy that loves the stuff I love than a girl.

Bottom line is that if you stack all of the boyish things I enjoy on one end  of a seesaw and the girly-girl things on the other, the boy side is going to instantly crash to the ground.  Sorry if your little girl self just got flung off the seesaw.

*And if you really are seriously into ALL of these things and live the metro Atlanta area, let’s meet up; we’d actually probably be really great friends.

Tom Boy Tara Paper Doll

Can you please bend the tabs to my Dork Girl shirt on me today?  I’m off to Comicon.

This isn’t an exhaustive list; I’m sure I left some stuff out.  It’s just something I think is strange.  I know I’m not alone.  In fact, my best girlfriend who loves all the same stuff I do, is exactly like me in this regard.  Maybe we need to start our own sorority club.  It would be a group of girls who drink beer (there will be burping too, by the way), listen to rock music, cuss at a sports, and totally nerd out to things like Lord of the Rings and Snarknado.  Hmmm, I think I’m on to something here!

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File under stuff I do with my best girlfriend:  Go on 311 cruises.

Stay positive & love your life!

-Melissa

Today:

Listening to:  Nine Inch Nails – Underneath It All

Eating:  Bagel

Drinking:  H20

Random thought:  There actually is a perfect blend of both worlds in terms of friends, the gay man.  He has all of the perfect qualities of a guy without the threat of sexual advances/tension.  And if you’re lucky enough, he’ll like just the right amount of girly stuff thus making him the perfect friend specimen.  Exhibit A:

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7 thoughts on “Why Is Making Female Friends So Freaking Hard?

  1. So true! I’m the same too; football, beer, rock music. I hope to run in to you at the next 311 event (NOLA?).

  2. Ha! I loved your blog post! I’ve actually always enjoyed female friends over male friends because it’s so damned hard finding guys that can actually TALK about things I like. (Love my guy stuff, don’t get me wrong!) Guys, however, can’t usually mix issues as well as girls when talking about the kinds of things that really hit the soul. Hope all is well! Look forward to following your blog!
    J

  3. You’ve noted some real and definite obstacles in female friendships. I don’t want to burst your bubble, but it’s hard to make women friends even after you have children. I always imagined a group of us would be chatting at the park while our little darlings (okay, sometimes monsters) played on the monkey bars. The reality: in all but maybe two cases, I can’t stand either the child or the parent. Harsh, yes, but life’s too short to waste it around annoying people. It’s distracting to have a conversation with a mom you have things in common with while trying to control the urge to backhand their brat child. Likewise, even if the child is okay, I can’t encourage play dates if the mom is a complete dingbat.

    My best friend is from college and we’ve managed to stay friends even though she doesn’t have children. When we hang out, it’s not about the kids (even though I have them with me sometimes.)

    • Thanks for the comment and shattering my dream of finding female friends with ease once I pop out a little minion or two. Buzz killer! 🙂

      Yeah, I imagine that my best girl friend is the one I already have. And I’m cool with that.

  4. Pingback: Quick Stepp | Five for Friday: 5 Observations From My First Week Post Engagement

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